1) Weed. I'm addicted. I was telling Jack that there is nothing that ive ever been able to do for more than like 10 days in a row in my life. ive never committed to anything. i have never worked out EVERYDAY for more than 10 days, i have never washed my face every night before sleep for a number of days, etc etc. i never commit to anything for a long time, i just get distracted. BUT, thats when jack reminded me of my commitment to weed. i have probably smoked 60 days in a row, no exaggeration. in this last month the only day i remember NOT smoking was on tues at USC!! and, actually, i DID smoke, just at 3 am monday night (so really tues).
(I do not claim to smoke joints this large, only like every-OTHER-day. and i dont claim to hang out with this guy)
this smoking pot is not really "doing" something everyday, or being committed, its really the opposite. it makes me do nothing, and eat lots. i really realllllly gotta stop. because pot = eating. Its literally hard for me to get an appetite without pot. then i just eat out of boredom. maybe i could play this up and use this as some kind of advantage.... but i'll probably just get high instead.
2) This ugly mother fucker:
having a boyfriend is the WORST thing for your figure. all there is to do is go out to eat. last night we smoked a blunt, went out to dinner, then went to the movies (where i got my own medium buttered popcorn), then came home and deep-fried MICROWAVEABLE tacos. and made cookies. half of which were eaten by me in dough form.
this asshole doesnt get it. he's 6'4'' and weighs 175. he has about 9 inches on me and only 35 pounds. and 10 of those pounds are his GINORMOUS PENIS. eating is like a really fun activity when you are in a coupleship and there are few things to do that are calorie-free.
on another note, i think im going to try to start ordering just a very simple small salad when we DO go out to eat. THEN, i have no opportunity to eat afterwards, because he will be totally full, and its not like we can go out to a second dinner.
Rosie--- although having a boyfriend makes you FAT, having a crush does the complete opposite. you need to get a crush on someone!!! it will make you WANT to look good, WANT to run into him, its like your endorphins are up and you cant even think about eating, you just want to go tanning, get your eyebrows done, work out, get ready for a party, etc. i always lose weight when im in the chase for a boy. which never last long because they just become totally in love with me because who wouldnt?!?! jk
3) my refrigerator:
Like the dumbass i am, i got high on sunday night and went grocery shopping. so after my trip to la from mon-wed, what awaits me at home??? TONS of groceries. including one of the main things leading to my demise:
What the fuck am i supposed to do?? maybe i'll go find some homeless people and give my food away. one of the main lessons ive learned in my quest for anorexia is that IF THERE IS NO FOOD TO BE EATEN, THEN YOU WONT EAT ANYTHING! do NOT buy groceries!!! buy everything that you are going to eat for the day individually. then, that gives you something to do, as well as allows you to choose the serving size when you are buying it. stick to things that you can buy in small amts, so that you dont eat more than you should. like dont buy a whole package of pasta, because you will have leftovers. and the leftovers will fuck with your head, and will tell you to go back and eat more.
4) Boredom:
k this second picture is just strange, i googled "boredom" to find a good picture, but this came up, and im totally frightened. i bought a book on san francisco, so i could look for things that jack and i could do instead of eating. of course the ideas are all a little cheesy, like whale watching, and i probably could not get my boyfriend to put on his grill and meet me for some good clean sober whale watching, but there are some ideas that might work.
Soooooooooooo... yesterday was BAD. But... bad enough to get me into gear. i think our talk was so inspiring, but i hadnt really been eating like SHIT the days before. just like normal-shit-ish. this morning my belly is big and im ready to make it go away...
Weight: 136
Food: small pinkberry with fruit 125+ 100?? = 225
deep-fried tacos- 600
small popcorn- 450
cookies - 400
diet coke
handful milkduds 200
total - 1875
Gen Comments:
I am proud of myself for some small things-- at the airport i had almost 2 hrs before my flight and ate NOTHING. there was fucking cinnabon right next to me
i feel so much more sensitive to smells of foods when im on a diet. i wanted to eat sooo badly, but just drank a very large water bottle of dasani and went pee like 7 times.
i didnt get a coffee at the starbucks, which i am sooo proud of. its been 2 days now without coffee. BABY STEPS!!! although im sucking in some ways, i am at least eliminating some vices that contribute to making me gross!!! although i feel like coffee helps me with the weight loss thing in some ways, in other ways i feel that its just empty calories and more importantly it makes my skin bad.
MY INSPIRING MOMENT:
ladies, i want to remember this feeling. NOTHING FEELS BETTER TO ME THAN THIS: jack picked me up from the airport, and i was soooo happy i hadnt eaten because of course we had to get down and dirty and my stomach was pretty flat!!!! hooking up in the daytime is especially scary because of the bright daytime light. he can see every flaw. i love sex, but when im feeling fat, my sex drive and overall desire is down because i feel horrible about myself. its important to recognize the times when you are really happy with your weight, i want to try and remember how happy i was that i said no to the cinnabon and hot dogs and chili cheese fries and coffee etc etc at the airport so i could really enjoy seeing my boyfriend!!
i really really believe that being skinny improves my quality of life ten-fold. i have more energy, i want to go out, i want to wear little shorts and hop and run around and take my shirt off around my boyfriend etc etc!!! its so strange that being skinny makes EVERYTHING better---- it really does!! -----you drink less smoke less= healthier, youre probably working out too, so even more healthy, you sleep better, less depressed, i feel like im even cleaner in everyway (even washing my face and keeping my apt tidy) when im more thin because then you want to feel good in every way about yourself.
I think its just important the we are making progress in ANY way everyday. i mean, even though i fucked up with the food BIGTIME, im still really proud that ive avoided coffee (caffeine in general) and food before seeing the boyfriend.
Paula- i LOVE the before and afters!!!!!! yes those girls were totally skinny, you wouldnt have ever said they were fat, but its sooooo amazing when you see people take it to the next level!!!! you KNOW they looked like us before, then then got thin, then when thin wasnt thin enough, they got anorexic thin. that means we can do it too!! i remember when i first saw that picture of posh spice with those skinny legs (the exact one you posted) i was in awe. sometimes a picture just does it to you. most of the time i think victorias secret models look great, whatever. but there are times that a certain picture just speaks to you and you stare at it and you are like holy shit thats amazing. that was that picture for me, im so glad you found that!!!
i wanna know what you guys feel leads to your demise (like my bagel bites, boyfriend, pot, etc) but also the good things you have going, like for me its probably working (when i am at work i dont eat ALLLL day) and adderall!!!!!! these things are the pluses that keep me away from the evil food.
rosie- you will not die a virgin. you are a hottie and you are about to have the naughtiest body in town. i think we should each post one thing that we want all of us to do that day. SOMETHING SIMPLE. like just say "do 30 situps" or go outside, walk for 5 minutes and come home. we should all make very simple, very easy things to do for all of us.
if you guys want, just do 30 situps today!! im going to right now. its not like its going to do alll that much, but its 30 more than id normally do. and if we have 3 easy tasks like this everyday, it will def add up, and we also know that we are all doing it. it also gets us up off our ass and makes us do something because we think "oh thats so easy and they are doing it to"
it will add up!!!
maybe also tell everyone a good workout song to download that gets you pumped or just that you like.... i ALWAYS want new music for my ipod, it totally distracts me when im working out. ive overplayed all my songs.
rosie whats that tech 9 song called??
k this is the scariest thing ive ever seen:
but on a more inspiring rather than scary note, here are some more pictures. like i was saying to paula, there are just some pictures/ people whose bodies are more inspiring, even if they are not as skinny or just different than other. is it just me or is jessica simpsons body not inspiring at all?? i realize she is thin, but everyone was talking about how awesome she looked when she lost weight for dukes of hazzard?? shes just short and shes fit of course, but just not inspiring. i never look at her and think wow. she looks good but i dont stare. even though shes prettier than lindsey lohan, lala lohan inspires me more.
linds, we miss you, come back. i dont like you now:
im in love with ashlee... total 180. i hated her before, but oh my gosh she has gotten it together. no more grimey big nosed pale loser. i love her now because shes hot now. i didnt like her before because she was ugly. its pretty simple
finally, a little ode to christina ricci. she was such a gross fatty, and the poor girl has a ginourmous round face which makes her look totally fat. and i think shes got big knockers too which doesnt help either. but shes definitely lost a lot of weight and is even compared to our lover kate hudson in the same bikini. im just impressed with christina, even though shes not my model of beauty, if she can do it so can we!!
1 comment:
Is it weird that i keep re-reading this for pure entertainment value....soooooo funnnnnnnnny JESUS!
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